Crafting Journey, Threads of Life: The Big 20 and Growing Up

Hai Hello Hai Hello, welcome back to my crafting journey and the threads of life.

I’m back and after roughly almost 4 weeks I AM FINISHED WITH THE WEAVING!

Yip yip yip celebratory dance ♪(┌・。・)┌

Crafiting_Journey_Boncilcol.jpg

Ancilla Quena_Crafiting_Journey_Boncilcol_edited.jpgHere I added:

  1. Overlapping Rya Knots
  2. Soumak Braid + Pile weave
  3. Fringes

All of these weavings are to add texture and dimensions to the piece. I am pretty happy at how it turned out! I definitely went outside of my comfort zone for this piece and it was totally worth it. I wanted it to look like clouds to begin with, but now I see it more like a majestic mountain overlooking the night sky. I guess it’s open for interpretation and I’d like to know how you see it as?:)

Going off topic, I want to talk about something personal.

I am turning 20 this year and I have never dreaded my birthday as much as this year’s.

The big 2 marks the end of the 2 decades where you were able to mess up, be as bold as you want, explore as many things that you want to explore and just to be free. Here comes the taxes and the other responsibilities you have no choice but to accept. And don’t forget the traditional expectations that comes along with it (at least these are the expectations that still prevail in my hometown culture): the 9-5 job that takes all of your time and energy, the whole getting married and having a family to support and the being a housewife and a mom. If I reject these expectations and responsibilities then I will be forever marked as irresponsible and selfish.

Why do I feel like this means I have to give up binge watching movies/TV series? I have to give up roaming around the city with no where to go and no purpose?  I have to give up dressing up as carelessly as I want? Worse of all, why do I feel like I have to give up crafting because there’s simply just no more time to do it(no more threads of life oh no)? Giving up what I at least define as my sources of happiness just to fulfil someone else’s expectations of me.

This view of the whole situations is yes, I admit very selfish and maybe shallow. I haven’t grown up enough to be able to understand the complete pictures and aspects of being an adult and I still very much view the world as cilla-centered. And if you want me to be frank and brutally honest, yes I don’t want kids, not for a very long time or at least not now. I don’t have to have to be responsible for someone else’s lives when I’m not even sure I can for my own. I don’t want to disappoint someone as pure as a child and be responsible if something goes wrong. Not to mention I don’t want to experience the emotional rollercoaster that is having a child and maintaining a healthy relationship & family. And yes, I don’t want a 9-5 job that ends up being a few of hours of productivity and a whole lot of “bengong” during the day time and pretending to work when you’re actually off browsing and imagining what you’d rather be doing. I want time for myself, I want as much time for myself to discover what I really want, who I really am and want to be as well as what I want to achieve. And that’s selfish and unrealistic, but that’s the ugly truth about humans sometimes. You can get so easily lost in your own desires and expectations of what the world needs to give you, because you justify saying that you deserve it.

Maybe this perspective will change (hopefully). Maybe I’ll adapt and actually be happy as a grown up. Maybe I’ll find other sources of happiness or who knows, those things that I currently view as dreadful (like having kids, I know I’m a horrible person), might actually bring me the biggest joy (so I’ve been told).

But until then, let me immerse myself in these feelings of fear and dread because this transitional moment comes once in someone’s lives. I believe these feelings are there for a reason. Maybe this is the path I must take after all to redefine my definitions of happiness and hopefully be content in whatever age or situation I’ll be in in the future?

Well anyway see you on the next crafting journey, threads of life post maybe next week! hehe

Written by: Ancilla Quena Muljono

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